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"Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time."

Nov
03

Indeed, that time is upon us, be ye Vulcan experimenting with red matter, robot programmed to kill the mother of the resistance, or just a bored person wanting a break from mid terms. It is in fact the

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A couple years ago, I dubbed November 5th to the 12th Time Travel Week, due to a bunch of time travel things popping up all over the place. One year later, I realized that Nov. 5th-12th, 1955 is the timeline of the first part of Back to the Future, cementing this coincidental revelation as tradition.*

So this year, I’ll be watching through a few movies, some episodes of TV, playing at least one video game, and really just taking in as much time travel as possible. Here’s my tentative schedule for the week to come! Read the rest of this entry »

Sep
09

I found this on my computer today, and realized I had forgotten that I wrote it in a fit of frustration about a month ago. Despite being so sure I would hate it (anytime something genuine and poetic is typed on my screen, I have this automatic gag reflex cause it always looks so terrible), I actually kinda liked it, despite how stupidly honest it is. Also because the title made me laugh. So good work, Past Kevin???

This is not really like anything else I’ve ever written, other than a few sentences where it gets lighthearted and yeah Imma stop prefacing this now and just post this thing.

Yeah.

Third Person Singular:
A pretentious piece of crap
.

I write
Not because I want to escape a world
But to create one
Another timeline over which to rule
Another story with shadows of reality,
Always similar, never the same
Rage becomes poetry, memory becomes reference

I write
Because I have to
Because I observe
Memory
Life, love, interaction, beginning, middle, ending, cliche, climax, denouement and intermission
I observe it as if I am creating it
Watching as it writes itself
I am not a character
But the audience
Third person
Singular

The timeline overflows, its contents muddled with another,
Worlds photocopied, blurred into words
An idea grinds into place
And reality appears around it
Forming the scene

It is a scene without movement, at first
But each sentence another minute passes
Another hour if I choose
Another person comes into being
Another person dies
Basic structure indicates that at least another
Should be bumped off somewhere near act two
In homage to Shakespeare or Eastwood
Stabbed due to misunderstanding
Or shot because a medieval suit of armor
Doesn’t really provide much protection against modern weaponry

Maybe I’m getting off track
Planning sequels, movie deals, video games
With only a character or two and a basic idea
But quite honestly
It’ll be a story worth hearing again and again
Eventually

I contemplate a metaphor, an opening,
Entirely original
Derivative only where derivation proves wit
And interesting enough to hook an audience
And some foreshadowing
That’d be nice, too.

I forget about it.

Another idea has taken its place and I stuff that other one away.
Another day, another story
Sleep and that one’s gone too.
Something will send me back to the first
Or the second or the third
And maybe, eventually,
I’ll get something done.

I write
Because… I can’t do anything else, now can I?
Because medicine won’t let me live forever
And math will only tell me that forever looks like a sideways eight
And I couldn’t care less about imaginary numbers
Unless I’ve made them up myself
Like negative tilde seven quintos
That’s the radius of a hamster wheel in relation to the vehicle it powers
It’s like pi but better I guess
And that right there
Is why writing is likely my best shot at functioning in society
Barring hoboism or scientific testing

And you’re in my story, by the way.
Not you, per se, but your hypothetical self
Little quantum dynamics and it’s you
Under different circumstances
With a different name
Maybe I’ll go easy on us there
Write a happy ending and let the freeze frame sit forever
No pessimistic epilogue, no optimistic time skip
Just one last moment, solid, coherent and cinematic
No venting, raging and remembering.

Besides,
I write because I forget.
To preserve a memory before it dies.
To copy myself, not for immortality
But because I know that memory can fade
Parents look at their children as strangers
Laying on a bed, tears in their eyes, screaming why don’t I know you
While I observe it

And so I write
I write knowing I will forget in mid-sentence what I was trying to say
I write knowing I will leave projects for others
I write knowing I might not even be that good
I write because I’ll always have ideas and my head is liable to explode if they don’t get out
And that’s not the type of impact I’d like to leave on the world

I write because it makes me feel better, makes me grind my teeth and
Makes my ego inflate and deflate
Depending on the day and the direction in which the ideas are moving

Thus
I will detach
I will hate people and I will laugh at my own stupidity
I will watch as people crumble and rebuild
And I will keep your secret my whole life
If only because knowledge is worth something to someone
And I’m a greedy jerk
And besides it’s no fun if I stick my finger in and mess with the experiment
Changes the results, makes the ending less real
And it’s all about the realism
Audiences can relate to that

My own real problem with writing
At least in my experience so far
Is that I’m no good at endings.

That is all.

Jun
18

K so I’ve been composing this entry for quite some time out of various babbling, and will probably post more of these at some point but really every time I’ve said that, I’ve just abandoned the blog for long periods of time so whatever.

Some of these are words made of Scrabble gibberish that I wished were words because they would have given me a lot of points. Others were medical terms my Kentuckian Canasian friend told me to re-define. For a couple of those, I gave the real definition but I was too lazy for most of them.

This also lead to a whole branch of thinking known as Hippo Physics, which a part of The Science, which a whole ‘nother post that I need to post when posting becomes a thing I do more.

Which is likely never.

Again, oops. So uh yeah.

DICTIONARIOUS WORDINGS!

Adenohypophysis: interjection. A common misspelling of the oft-used phrase when discussing the non-knowledge of large mammals and their natural kinetics and behavior.
   “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen hippo?” “No idea. Adenohypophysis.”

Haversian systems: n. 1) Haversian systems: In ancient times, the third joke ever invented went like this, as told by the friend of a man named Haver. “Hi, I’m Throk.” “Hi, I’m Haver.” “Haver?! I barely know ‘er!” They laughed for six generations, and the cause of the laughter was forgotten. The last generation of laughing folk decided that a god must have given them this joy, and they started a religion, and became Haversians. Haversianism was a somewhat small religion, and eventually dwindled until all that were left were a few lonely Haversian computer programmers. They uploaded their consciousness into robots, and multiplied, becoming an entire fleet of Haversian systems.
   “Hey, maybe we can tell a joke like “Haver?! I barely know ‘er!” or something.” “No, that would offend the Haversian systems.”
Haversian systems: n. 2) Veins that run vertically in bone.

Integument: A French loanword, originally the masculine plural form of the french verb integumer, meaning “to be inside an eraser”. This is a very common phrase amongst the people of Gomme-Grande in the south of France, and led to the usage of the phrase on a wider scale, even as an English word.
    “Well, they couldn’t find a house that wasn’t made of rubber, so now they integument.”

Jejunum: interjection. Used to break the news to a person named Junum, as Junum is rather unlucky.
    Person 1: “Jejunum, I don’t know how to tell you this, but that steak you ate was your uncle Harry.”
    Junum: “I KNEW IT!”
Jejunum: n. The middle section of the small intestine in most higher vertebrates, including mammals, reptiles, and birds.
    Doctor 1: “Jejunum, I don’t know how to tell you this, but that steak you ate is lodged pretty tight in your jejunum.”
    Junum: “I KNEW IT!”

Jivid: adj. 1) portmanteau, joyfully livid – When someone is happy to be angry.
   “Ah, I haven’t gotten mad in a while, it makes me kinda jivid.”
Jivid: adj. 2) portmanteau, jokingly livid – When someone pretends to be angry as a joke.
    “Haha, don’t worry, I’m not mad, I’m jivid.”
Jivid: n. 3) a military term for strategically provoking an attack.
    “We’re planning a jivid, so we know where their cavalry is hiding.”

Keratin: n. A diluted form of kermitin, an illegal frog powder used for a hallucinogen. Users often see vain pig women and old men sitting a balcony and breaking the fourth wall.
    “It’s not easy being greeeeeeeeeeeeen!” “What’s wrong with that guy?” “He took a bunch of keratin.”


Kinase: n. portmanteau, kinetic tease – A scientific principle that occurs when you throw something and you expect it to move but it doesn’t.
    “The ping pong tournament was disrupted when the ball was hit and kinase caused it to hover in mid-air rather than flying away.”

Lacunae: v. A scottish phrase which roughly translates to “Lack you not.” Faded from use for a few hundred years, but regained popularity after Gentleman PPT’s hip hop song, Lacunae Me topped music charts.
    “You will fight the dragon, lacunae courage.”

Mezzocolon: n. Sort of a jerk.
    “Well, I ate all of the pie, but I left her a cupcake in its place.” “Wow, you’re such a mezzocolon.”

Periosteum: n. An intergalactically-renowned museum devoted entirely to periscopes. They considered “Periseum” but it was already copyrighted by Duncan G. Periseum who owns a chain of restaurants in the midwest. So they added an O as well as a T just to be safe.

Quekogh: n. Derived from onomatopeia. The sound a car makes when it crashes. –
   “That car crash must have been huge, I heard the quekogh from miles away!”

Quizsad: adj. Disappointed at the result of a test.
    “How did you do?” “I’m quizsad, I only got a fifty three.”

Supreme: v. To do well at something.
   “How did you do?” “I supremed at it! Fifty THREE!” “Awesome!”

Tyrosine: n. A measurement used by cheddonomers to categorize cheese of the flat, triangular variety. From the tastiest angle, one measures the opposite length over the adjacent over age to the power of deliciousness.
 “Say, tell me about that cheese.” “Well it’s 1.29 delicis in tastiness, 3 years old, and the tastiest angle is 65 degrees, so the tyrosine is 0.2196.” “Fascinating!”

Tyrosine Kinase: n. When one expects cheese to be a certain age, deliciousness and size, but through some scientific fluke, it is not. This is considered to be the worst problem for cheddonomers.
    “Wait… the tyrosine is 0.2196… but there is a slight tyrosine kinase causing deliciousness to fluctuate.” “Still fascinating!”

That is all.

Jun
18

#thingsIforget

Mar
14

I’ve known of the existence of Omegle for a while now, but I really haven’t wasted any time on it until last night. See, a friend of mine was asking people what they would do for a Klondike bar, and needless to say, the internet did not fail to provide graphic and often hilarious answers.

So I thought I would do my own research.

You know, for The Science.

Read the rest of this entry »

Jan
20

Hey everybody guess what I just finished?!

The final act of Franklin Ovaltine and the Cannibal Aliens!!!!!!!!

This is my deliberately bad action movie script that I wrote for two reasons:
1) As backstory for a character named Arial Charman who plays Bonnie Bodacious, and thinks she actually is an action hero.
2) This was so much fun to write.

So. Much. Fun.

That is all.

Nov
11

anyways theres a new episode tonight
GUESS WHAT OF 🙂

big bang theory, the office, 30 rock, community, csi.

watching all of them

no…
jersey shore..

oh my
Read the rest of this entry »

Nov
06

November 8th, 2009:

In Wednesday’s post, I mentioned that I was having a very time travel-filled week. Well, it continued. We watched a time travel film in Film 110, I watched the other two Back to the Future movies, and pretty much every day, someone said something about going back in time or into the future. So I’m considering making the first week of November “Time Travel Week” – it’s like Shark Week, but instead of missing limbs and boat pieces, we have mind-exploding paradoxes. Celebrators would watch as many movies about time travel as they could – The Time Machine, the Back to the Future series, Frequency, even Austin Powers 2 and 3. As for TV shows, I’d suggest Heroes and Quantum Leap. (For those of you young whippersnappers who don’t know, Quantum Leap was a show that followed a man from the distant future whose profession was to go back in time, and take on the life of someone from the past, and fix some mistake from their past.) Although because some of us are university students who have these things called (I believe it’s Meedturmz? Yes. Definitely.) meedturmz, people may be too devoted to “studying” rather than something more important – time travel. So. I may change Time Travel Week to late November instead next year. I dunno. If anyone can go ahead to November 2010 and see what I pick, please inform me. Thank you.

Read the rest of this entry »

Oct
28

Kevin Chandrarajan:

sitting on the toilet you notice that your ketchup bottle has mysteriously replaced your toothpaste. you find this strange as you never brushh your teeth which mean you never had a tootpaste tube….so what did it replace

you hear a noise coming from beneath your loins. as a reflex you check your peripherals and immedkiatly do a double take over your shoulder…..nothings there. but youve made the most amateur horror movie victim mistake of all time. because when you turn around a large of broccolli mutant stands right in front of you.

Reverse Ketchup Bandits

I am a vegetarian.

I don’t throw blood on people who eat pork, I don’t worship Mother Tree Fairy, and I don’t care how many tears the cows cry every day worrying about their delicious cheese-covered fate.

My reasons for vegetarianism are much more personal.

Allow me to explain.

Read the rest of this entry »

Oct
27

INT. MOVIE STUDIO

Title card: INTERMISSION

We see Gelato Blue Thing materialize in front of a green screen.

GELATO BLUE THING
Woah. Where am I?!

THE DIRECTOR walks on screen.

THE DIRECTOR
Why, Gelato Blue Thing, you’re on the movie set of Franklin Ovaltine and the Cannibal Aliens from Outer Space!

GELATO BLUE THING
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

They share a laugh.
Read the rest of this entry »