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A Letter to the President 2

            President Obama,

            I have not yet received an answer regarding my potential position on your staff as Vice-Obama. I would like to take this opportunity to offer my candidacy once more, and to give you a suggestion on your next major moves as president.

            We should outlaw insects. Let’s face it, they don’t have green cards, and they’re infesting our heads, stinging our children and stealing our jobs. How can Honest John Q. American get a decent job carrying pollen from plant to plant when bees have already beaten him to it? Illegal insects will be subject to questioning and imprisonment in a Cuban prison, where they will be treated with pesticides until they give us information on other fugitive insects. June bugs should be our top priority in this, as they are most likely to rise up in rebellion.

            We should also change the terror alert system to something a little easier to understand. Therefore, I have devised the new terrorist alert system – Soft Puppy, Sleeping Kitten, Raccoon with a crowbar, Dizzy katana chimp, Russian War-Bear, Postal worker, and finally, Kim-Jong-Il riding Optimus Prime. These are simple words that I believe the American society could understand much better than “Orange” and “Green” which don’t convey the same vivid image and feeling of security as “Dizzy katana chimp” and “Soft puppy”.

            Also, I believe it’s too been far too long since the nerds had a conspiracy to consider. Therefore, I suggest that we spend a large amount of government money on something obscure, like a failing tennis ball factory, and then order the disappearance of its CEO. He will then reappear three months later as the president of Fox, with a prosthetic nose. With about five of these, the conspiracy theories will be rampant, and they’ll never learn more than they need to know about the alien that shot JFK.

            Finally, I propose Vice-Obama Day shall be held on every June 5th of every year. Starting this year. I expect to see you celebrating in your traditional Vice-Obama cape and top hat, Mr. President.

            Thank you,

            Your soon-to-be Vice Obama.

One Response to “A Letter to the President 2”

  1. […] Letter To The President A Letter To The President 2 A Letter To The President 3 A Letter To The President 4   That is […]


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